I feel like I’m stationary.

I feel like I’m stationary.

It’s so difficult to keep going when everyone around you is in fast motion. And you, you’re stationary. No matter how much you try, what you do, you can’t move. And while the world is racing around you, you’re stuck struggling on your feet.

I feel like I am stuck. My world has come to a halt. I have been fighting for so long but have made so little progress that sometimes it feels like no progress at all. Friends, family everyone around me seems oblivious to the struggle. It’s like i’m fighting an intangible fight, and the little that i do achieve is anything but obvious. Its like I’m oblivious.

There is anger building inside me, frustrations homing inside me. And i’m letting it fill me up. For once i want the anger to burn me down. For once i want to complain. But I’m alone in my battles. There is nobody around. Who do i turn to? Who do i complain. There is nobody, only me who is screaming on her own.

No one can hear me. No one can understand because to the second person it seems like i’m just failing to deal with everything. They don’t understand how the situations around me is failing itself.

When all the love you give out doesn’t find a way back to you. When you drain yourself for the betterment of others. When you give everything that it leaves you empty. And when all this doesn’t eventually return back to you. You feel lost. You feel hurt. I’m hurt.

Maybe it’s too soon to ask for it. But then why do i feel like i’ve been fighting for longer than i can remember? Nobody is a friend, nobody is a best friend. As long as you’re sane and robotic alongside the pace of this world. You’re happily accepted and celebrated. The day you stumble on your toes, your out. You’re just another disappointment no ones ready to own.

SN’18

I feel like I’m stationary.

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Re-post.

All that you seek You will find within All that you want to be You already are All that is, all that ever was All that will be Is written already Just flow with the wind Flow with the wind. ~insight07 Copyright ©Devika Todi. All rights reserved..

via Seek — insight07’s blog

You.

You.
And if you think you can change them
Know that you can’t.
And if you think people can change you
Know that they can’t.
They can only help you find who you truly are,
Assist you in becoming who you always wanted to be.
So it is you my friend
Who’ll have to change.
It is you who’ll have to find a way.

{SN.11.3.18}

Tonight. 7.3.18

Tonight. 7.3.18
With the night getting dark,
And the lights turning off.
I for once want to witness my world falling apart.
You’re free to burn me bright,
Hurt as much as you want.
As promised, no more of those rebellious fights.
So here’s to you, my misery,
You got to me this time.
Don’t worry deary, the only plan is to celebrate you tonight.
{SN.2018.11:23PM}

To love or to not?

To love or to not?

We bind ourselves with others so effortlessly. Attach the strings of our heart to them, unaware that in the end everyone yes everyone leaves.

That is what makes it difficult.

You’re never too sure who you can love because you’re never really sure who is going to stay.

And if somehow they do decide to hang by, life pushes you to the point where it’ll have to be you who will walk away.

Eventually you, who will have to leave.

Keep your distance, i can’t promise my stay.
SN (It's 2018)

Surviving yet Smiling- ITS 2018!

Surviving yet Smiling- ITS 2018!

“It’s a cruel and random world,

But the chaos is all so beautiful.”

It’s surprising how New Year brings in so much hope. No matter who you are, where you are the last day of December certainly fills you up with the belief that no matter how hard it has been, the year ahead will be better. But the most beautiful thing about this newly found hope is that it is this what keeps us going, always.

Year after year, we sit back brooding over our problems, the cruelty we have faced. About times when life had hit us hard, brought us down on our knees and made us cry ourselves to sleep. Yet with the date turning to 1st January, determination finds its way back to give us a purpose of making the upcoming year better than the one before.

2017- Has definitely been the turning point of my life.  If I were to write this annual “new year’s” post a few days ago, it would have been more of a suicidal note! Yeah, no jokes. I don’t want to call it the worst year of my life, but I’ll be honest enough to say that I’m glad it’s over.

Too much was exposed to me, and the worst part of it all; I wasn’t ready for the truth. Well, maybe truth isn’t beauty after all. To be honest, I would prefer living in the bluff but that isn’t why we’re sent to this world, is it? Maybe truth is meant to break us, hurt us, and challenge us just so it could make us better off. How? I still haven’t figured out completely. But I know deep down, everything is taking us to the places we have always wanted to be. What ever happened throughout this year is pushing me to the goals I’ve set for myself.

The year started off with a blast. I saw fireworks for the first time on New Year’s Eve. I was excited; maybe I’m going to do a lot of things for the first time this year. And frankly, I’ve had my best days in 2017. With memories of the previous year, and dreams for the new one I was ever so ready to fight for what I wanted. I’d always been the fighter, the rebellious one in my family. The one who would do things nobody else would. The one who wouldn’t settle for rest, constantly eager to achieve.

I was on my best behavior, I was somebody who the world said couldn’t exist. The selfless, caring, loving, fun person who would find her happiness in the act of helping others. Seeing people happy, made me happy. And I would go the extra mile just to do that.

It wasn’t easy, I was told “I care too much” or “You just can’t be this nice”. Everyone would tell me how I was pushing myself to the point where I would be hurt the most. And know what? In the end it did. It did hurt and it did break me to see how people were so self-centered, so negative about others about life. But I made a promise, I told myself that I would live; I would be the person this world believes cannot simply exist. The negativity, it came back every night, at the end of every week, to push me down on the floor, to infuriate me to convince me that people needed to be treated the way they treated me.

I lost my temper, lost my patience. For a while, I could feel the coldness reach my heart. But let me tell you, those were the most miserable days of my life. I was devastated, a complete loser who couldn’t keep on with the days. Who would cry every minute, every other second. Who couldn’t fight anymore. The cruelty of this world had defeated me, and I was left to pick the pieces along the needle filled path of my memories. I pushed back people who tried to help, I pushed back my own self from trying to help me. Things were only getting worse.

I could feel the walls of my room closing down on me. Who was my friend? Where was my family? Why could nobody see my pain, my struggle? Nobody came to save me. Not because I didn’t try, but because even when I did, nobody had the time. Not their fault; we’re all fighting our inner demons. What I learnt from this has stuck by me. You have to fight your battles alone.

No prince charming riding a horse would come to save you, life won’t be easy on you and nobody will be able to help you. Yes you will have support, you will have listening ears. You will have people to advice you but none who could actually fight your battles for you. It is you who would have to stand up, you who will have to fight, strive and live through it. The world is bitter, cold and exhausting, but everything together is just so beautiful because everything has been set just to mold you and prepare you for the best and the worst.

Believe me; you’re hearing this from someone whose biggest strength became her biggest weakness, perhaps the one which almost forced her to change.

Everything good or bad it’s set out for us, this theatre has been built for us, so we could be given a chance to form our self. Everything bad has been added only to do us good.

I am nobody if I give up on my dreams, my goals my passions. This world, it’ll push you to your breaking point, it’ll test your bonds so hard that it might seem unrealistic. This aint no fairy-tale, which I believed this world was. But maybe what we all seek for isn’t just a happy ending, with the girl finding her prince, her peace, her family and her dreams. Maybe it’s the thrill we seek in life to achieve these things which eventually leads us to be happy; a happy end.

2017 you were hard on me; you were so hard that sometimes I would hope my life to just stop. But not for a second would I wish for this year to not happen. You revealed to me the truth about life. And as harsh and bitter it may be it is what it is, and it is what makes us who we are.

2018, I’m all different but still the same person. Let’s see what you have to offer.

HAPPY NEW YEAR FOLKS! REMEMBER YOU’RE INVINCIBLE!

*Letting Go*

*Letting Go*

You have to let go of the people in your past friend

They were never destined to stay.

You may have gotten attached to them, you may miss them

But their part in your life had come to an end, they had to go away.

Don’t ache your soul with the wait that they might return

That life may cross your path again.

Maybe they’ll show up at the places you go,

or that their car might cross outside your door.

It will just worsen the wounds and revive all felt pain.

Don’t burden yourself with the question Why?

It has been answered so many times before.

You can only see what is before you, but not what is not shown.

This that; what will be unfit for you, will not be a part of your life long

For your creator loves you the most,  trust him when he says “I know”.

The chapter they had walked in, has far finished.

Your life has not stopped, continue to live.

Don’t punish yourself each day, don’t torture that little brain.

You will meet new people ,

And the one who will Stay.

Don’t beg before your knees, for them to return,

You have to learn the idea of letting go.

Dear, listen to the sounds of Nature

They are already living the next day.

You have to move on, for life has already accelerated

They might have promised, but they can not stay.

Life has planned so much, God has set dates

But how will you welcome them, if you continue to look back on the days?

You can breathe, you can still smile

Don’t sadden yourself over passed time.

You are Young, wild and free

Let the Sun crisp your skin,

and the light illuminate your dreams.

Let yourself whisper their name,

and allow the wind to carry it away.

Hold your head up high, you are not bad luck, you are no one to blame.

You are just learning to rise through Life’s rough game

Don’t static your pace, you are the one meant to stay,

but for people who come and go,

Its best you to learn to let them go.

SN’16

This piece is for a very close friend. I’m sure you will realize its for you, i did promise to write for you.

Yes, you have to let go, relieve yourself from the constant pain of old memories. Cherish the times you’ve spent together, for rest, just let it be the way it is. Lets move on together, from the people we loved and cared for in the past. Lets for once, accept that what ever happens, happens for our own good. Out of all the people, i would know that, because i lost some people too.