Surviving yet Smiling- ITS 2018!

FeaturedSurviving yet Smiling- ITS 2018!

“It’s a cruel and random world,

But the chaos is all so beautiful.”

It’s surprising how New Year brings in so much hope. No matter who you are, where you are the last day of December certainly fills you up with the belief that no matter how hard it has been, the year ahead will be better. But the most beautiful thing about this newly found hope is that it is this what keeps us going, always.

Year after year, we sit back brooding over our problems, the cruelty we have faced. About times when life had hit us hard, brought us down on our knees and made us cry ourselves to sleep. Yet with the date turning to 1st January, determination finds its way back to give us a purpose of making the upcoming year better than the one before.

2017- Has definitely been the turning point of my life.  If I were to write this annual “new year’s” post a few days ago, it would have been more of a suicidal note! Yeah, no jokes. I don’t want to call it the worst year of my life, but I’ll be honest enough to say that I’m glad it’s over.

Too much was exposed to me, and the worst part of it all; I wasn’t ready for the truth. Well, maybe truth isn’t beauty after all. To be honest, I would prefer living in the bluff but that isn’t why we’re sent to this world, is it? Maybe truth is meant to break us, hurt us, and challenge us just so it could make us better off. How? I still haven’t figured out completely. But I know deep down, everything is taking us to the places we have always wanted to be. What ever happened throughout this year is pushing me to the goals I’ve set for myself.

The year started off with a blast. I saw fireworks for the first time on New Year’s Eve. I was excited; maybe I’m going to do a lot of things for the first time this year. And frankly, I’ve had my best days in 2017. With memories of the previous year, and dreams for the new one I was ever so ready to fight for what I wanted. I’d always been the fighter, the rebellious one in my family. The one who would do things nobody else would. The one who wouldn’t settle for rest, constantly eager to achieve.

I was on my best behavior, I was somebody who the world said couldn’t exist. The selfless, caring, loving, fun person who would find her happiness in the act of helping others. Seeing people happy, made me happy. And I would go the extra mile just to do that.

It wasn’t easy, I was told “I care too much” or “You just can’t be this nice”. Everyone would tell me how I was pushing myself to the point where I would be hurt the most. And know what? In the end it did. It did hurt and it did break me to see how people were so self-centered, so negative about others about life. But I made a promise, I told myself that I would live; I would be the person this world believes cannot simply exist. The negativity, it came back every night, at the end of every week, to push me down on the floor, to infuriate me to convince me that people needed to be treated the way they treated me.

I lost my temper, lost my patience. For a while, I could feel the coldness reach my heart. But let me tell you, those were the most miserable days of my life. I was devastated, a complete loser who couldn’t keep on with the days. Who would cry every minute, every other second. Who couldn’t fight anymore. The cruelty of this world had defeated me, and I was left to pick the pieces along the needle filled path of my memories. I pushed back people who tried to help, I pushed back my own self from trying to help me. Things were only getting worse.

I could feel the walls of my room closing down on me. Who was my friend? Where was my family? Why could nobody see my pain, my struggle? Nobody came to save me. Not because I didn’t try, but because even when I did, nobody had the time. Not their fault; we’re all fighting our inner demons. What I learnt from this has stuck by me. You have to fight your battles alone.

No prince charming riding a horse would come to save you, life won’t be easy on you and nobody will be able to help you. Yes you will have support, you will have listening ears. You will have people to advice you but none who could actually fight your battles for you. It is you who would have to stand up, you who will have to fight, strive and live through it. The world is bitter, cold and exhausting, but everything together is just so beautiful because everything has been set just to mold you and prepare you for the best and the worst.

Believe me; you’re hearing this from someone whose biggest strength became her biggest weakness, perhaps the one which almost forced her to change.

Everything good or bad it’s set out for us, this theatre has been built for us, so we could be given a chance to form our self. Everything bad has been added only to do us good.

I am nobody if I give up on my dreams, my goals my passions. This world, it’ll push you to your breaking point, it’ll test your bonds so hard that it might seem unrealistic. This aint no fairy-tale, which I believed this world was. But maybe what we all seek for isn’t just a happy ending, with the girl finding her prince, her peace, her family and her dreams. Maybe it’s the thrill we seek in life which eventually leads us to be happy; thus to a happy end.

2017 you were hard on me; you were so hard that sometimes I would hope my life to just stop. But not for a second would I wish for this year to not happen. You revealed me to the truth about life. And as harsh and bitter it may be it is what it is, and it is what makes us who we are.

2018, I’m all different but still the same person. Let’s see what you have to offer.

HAPPY NEW YEAR FOLKS! REMEMBER YOU’RE INVINCIBLE!

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*Letting Go*

*Letting Go*

You have to let go of the people in your past friend

They were never destined to stay.

You may have gotten attached to them, you may miss them

But their part in your life had come to an end, they had to go away.

Don’t ache your soul with the wait that they might return

That life may cross your path again.

Maybe they’ll show up at the places you go,

or that their car might cross outside your door.

It will just worsen the wounds and revive all felt pain.

Don’t burden yourself with the question Why?

It has been answered so many times before.

You can only see what is before you, but not what is not shown.

This that; what will be unfit for you, will not be a part of your life long

For your creator loves you the most,  trust him when he says “I know”.

The chapter they had walked in, has far finished.

Your life has not stopped, continue to live.

Don’t punish yourself each day, don’t torture that little brain.

You will meet new people ,

And the one who will Stay.

Don’t beg before your knees, for them to return,

You have to learn the idea of letting go.

Dear, listen to the sounds of Nature

They are already living the next day.

You have to move on, for life has already accelerated

They might have promised, but they can not stay.

Life has planned so much, God has set dates

But how will you welcome them, if you continue to look back on the days?

You can breathe, you can still smile

Don’t sadden yourself over passed time.

You are Young, wild and free

Let the Sun crisp your skin,

and the light illuminate your dreams.

Let yourself whisper their name,

and allow the wind to carry it away.

Hold your head up high, you are not bad luck, you are no one to blame.

You are just learning to rise through Life’s rough game

Don’t static your pace, you are the one meant to stay,

but for people who come and go,

Its best you to learn to let them go.

SN’16

This piece is for a very close friend. I’m sure you will realize its for you, i did promise to write for you.

Yes, you have to let go, relieve yourself from the constant pain of old memories. Cherish the times you’ve spent together, for rest, just let it be the way it is. Lets move on together, from the people we loved and cared for in the past. Lets for once, accept that what ever happens, happens for our own good. Out of all the people, i would know that, because i lost some people too. 

Surviving yet Smiling-2016

Surviving yet Smiling-2016

One year ago, I decided to start a personal blog. I wasn’t depressed, wasn’t really happy, wasn’t really anything. But I had made up my mind that for 2016, my resolution was to allow my emotions out on paper and to share them with the world. And here I sit, celebrating my first anniversary with Word Press. It has been a pleasure!

2016– Well was kind of weird. It was packed with drama, and came along with so many lessons for me to learn, that it scares me; one year can completely change how a person thinks about them self and life. This year changed my perspective about everything, and pulled me down to this point where I now strongly believe that you cannot judge an event or situation based on how it presents itself. There is so much more to everything. And everything, yes EVERYTHING that happens, happens for good.

My parents split up this year around July-August. At that current time, it felt, as if that was everything. As if i would never be able to get back to my life at my father’s place. Nobody knows about this. Except my close friend, with whom I shared after it felt too much for me to bear. We shifted to my mother’s brother’s place, and for almost one whole month, I had no contact with my father. He didn’t call, i called once but he didn’t pick up.

Those days were hard, my younger 6 year old sister turned into a quite person. She would cry and plead to return home, my mother had this sadness on her face which she refused to admit. I tried my best to remain calm and strong, but it got to me too. I started getting stress attacks. Even though my Uncle was hell supportive, and so sweet and considerate as he had been his whole life, i started feeling homesick for a place i didn’t want to return to. I would have emotional breakdowns during the school lessons; my teacher sensed my change in behavior. And even though i was relieved to be away from the place that had been haunting and suffocating my mum and sisters for as long as I could remember, i was sad.

I lost a very good friend this year too. I befriended him this same year, spent a great deal of time fooling around with him, and shared so many weirdly cute memories with him. But lost him. Life just took a turn and just like that we had to part ways. Everything happened too fast, and it was so ugly. It ended up uglier than i had expected. Yes, i always knew it was coming, but never the way it had. Unwillingly i had to say my goodbye.

Since then, it had been hard. Everything reminded me of how timely happiness was, how everything was destined to come to an end. How foolish i was to tie myself with people, with things, with places that their emptiness would tear me when the feeling of loosing them would ignite. And the worst part of it all was, i had already lost them. So there was no wait, only the reality that they were gone, and I, I couldn’t do anything about it.

That was when i begin to write. Poems, prose, narratives, those i haven’t shared on my blog, yet those that reflect so clearly the battle i fought this 2016. The question of “Can’t it be always?” would bombard my thoughts. i would cry myself to sleep. Every night. I would stay awake through the nights, doing nothing. Not even thinking.

Everything started hitting me, my life will come to an end, my friendship will come to an end, people will change, those you love will not always love you back, those you care for wont always care for you the way you do, people will hurt you and not even realize they did, good people will leave this world earlier than the bad ones, the world will starve, my grades will suffer, my school life will drown, my social circle will break, I myself will change, and hurt people with the change.

But along these infinite complains i may have from 2016, there was so much to be thankful for. It is definitely how I choose to see my problems and life through this year, which concludes how my 2016 was. And here I choose to see it the way I would not have at the beginning when life continuously began breaking down on me. My parents separated, just to get back together in a mode where they now understood each other better than they did in many years. Where my mum knew what to expect, when to expect and how to handle the problems which may directly affect her daughters lives.

 

I became strangers to many people, but I see how that was good for me. How I was saved from giving into people who had already given themselves away to someone else. How everything came to an end so it could start all over again. How we could make out the best of the time we had in hand aware that any breathe could be our last one, any chat could be our last one with people. How we could realize that time, yes time will fly by thus we need to plan and schedule our lives.

 

How we’ve entered this world with counted breathes, with counted days but how we could turn this handed limit into an undying eternal infinity. How a smile, a word, a gesture of care could make someone’s day.

 

Yes I can say I survived another year, happily welcoming the next. I’ve survived while I smiled, and I can continue to survive only if I choose to see the positive in my life. Don’t ever be hopeless, I moved on from the anxiety, the stress, the daily drama, and disappointments. I have no regrets, not even this “I wish it never happened”. Because I’m glad my life took the turns it did, because it made me strong and tough today. Made me care for people, made me care for things and time. Made me a better person, who’ll polish even more in the upcoming year.

 

So 2017, I am ready. Let’s see what you have to offer.

P.s Happy New Year!

wo

MERCILESS

MERCILESS

So mercilessly did you

Converse her dreams.

All the glitter, the glamour

Into welled up streams

Of tears flowing down

Her rosy cheeks

 

Oh so mercilessly did you

Take all from her away.

Like even the stars she had counted

Had never really existed.

And the clouds from which she had swung

Now sent thunder crashing her way

 

Oh so mercilessly did you

Silently destroy her inside.

The courage, the strength,

Which pumped through her once

Now seemed to be nowhere

As if that part was never really hers.

 

How could you be so cruel?

So bitter, so cold?

Living obliviously

To her shivering little soul?

Scared, so scarred

With all your blunt words

 

Oh so mercilessly did you

Let your words stay.

Killing heartlessly each time

Memories visited her way.

SN16

Acquaint with me! 

Acquaint with me! 

Hi everyone!

So its been a while since i’ve posted anything new so i felt like writing to all my followers today. I make this post open for all your questions, anything you want to ask me as i want my followers to know me better. So comment below anything your curious about, well me.

I’ll answer everyone who does comment! 😊

Likewise we’ll get to know eachother better!

Waiting for your questions! 😊😊

The Seed of love

The Seed of love

The seed of love

You were reluctant to sow

Will only grow manifest 

For time will show. 

With brilliance, and fruit

Carrying a significant role 

To heal the wounds,

And nourish the soul.

For the seed of love

Had gradually grown

Into a tree manifest

As promised, time did show.

With care and well

A little lover’s dew

Kept hidden, unshared 

Inside the same reluctant you. 

SN’16

Living good memories

Living good memories

Sometimes, some events, some people that had been a part of you at some point in life leaves a great mark behind when they’re no more. What role does it play and well why does the mark stays?

We choose to let it lay. That is it. For all the memories of your childhood, all the memories of your youth, those which continue to stay with you, are the ones you allowed to linger own. To hold onto you with a fragile grip yet every time it loosened it, you kept it alive, lingering on by remembering it. 

Some of these memories continue to contribute positive in us, the present us. Reminding us of the lessons learned, advising to adopt new approaches, alerting the consequences of repeating old mistakes. All in all pushing us in becoming better everyday. Careful and sensible. 

While some of these memories which have stayed behind, do nothing but harm in a way oblivious to us in the present, revealing its destruction done over panels of time. What kind of memories and thoughts are they? The memories of guilt we keep inside, not allowing to forgive our own selves, when people have. The feeling of envy, greed and lust, the memories of our childhood when we couldn’t get what we want, when we had to make sacrifices, when we had to give away ours to those in need. All these which we let home inside to build up into something dangerous, some parasite, continuously telling us to do bad with those who did that with us. And we train ourselves in becoming villains, in the life story of the people we are connected to. 

So be aware of all what you allow to be a part of who you are. A part of who you will be in the future. Letting your past, and the memories made, guide you is not a bad thing at all, only when you know which part of your past and what memories you want to tie to. 

It is after all man who wrongs his own soul. 

“It is the spectator and not life that is really the mirror” 

~Oscar Wilde